What is love?
But no one can give the proper definition of love. To some, Love is friendship set on fire, for others, Maybe love is like luck. You have to go all the way to find it. No matter how you define it or feel it, love is the eternal truth in the history of mankind. Love is patient, love is kind, it has no envy, but the over all question remains, What causes Love?
Through case studies and informational journals, we will be able to attempt to understand the causes of this love. This literature review will examine three sources: The Physics and Chemistry of love by Kanika Gswami, Sexual arousal ‘very different’; confirmation of questionnaire methods by the American psychological society, to help in the further understanding of this topic. It is found that love is closely related to the chemistry of the brain but it is still fair to believe that love is a feeling that comes from the heart. In The Physics and Chemistry of love, Kanika Goswami speaks of how the common symptoms of love; such as, sweaty palms, shaky knees, and the occasional restlessness; are caused by a chemical found in the brain called Phenylethylamine. This specific chemical is released through simple actions such as the meeting of the eyes or holding hands. She finds that the discovery of this molecule is an important feat for all humanity as now chemists can truly create “love potions”, which would allow us to fall in love with the next person we see upon taking it. Now, some people may agree that the moral issues presented with this new discovery can be disputed against. For example, some may argue that the purpose of falling in love would loose all meaning. Others would see it as a simple and quick way to find happiness. In her article, Gswami states, “Love, like all things bound to the universe, is non existent without some amount of physics and chemistry attached to it. As a scientist cynically pointed out, cupid’s arrows would never have been effective if they had not been first dipped in one unromantically named chemical- phenylethylamine.” (Goswami 1)Thus, she is reverting back to the fairy tale of cupid and his love bringing arrow while at the same time saying that it is not some child dressed in sanitary underwear who causes you to fall in love with a small strike of his imaginary arrow, however, it is all the cause of the so called “love molecule”. She goes on to say that it is in fact our subconscious mind that chooses the person whom allows us to release this molecule from our brain. This choosing process is filtered through people who represent something we feel that we lost during our growing up years. For example it could be something like security, warmth, or spirit of adventure. Overall, Kanika Goswami believes that it is up to the mind to decide who we will love and cherish forever. It is that little molecule that gives many people that over joyous sense of happiness.
The next source, Sexual arousal ‘very different’; confirmation of questionnaire methods, speaks of whether sex and love have any co-relation. Aron noted that his research answered the “historic question of whether love and sex are the same, or different, or whether romantic passion is just warmed over sexual arousal.” He said, “Our findings show that the brain areas activated when someone looks at a photo of their beloved only partially overlap with the brain regions associated with sexual arousal. Sex and romantic love involve quite different brain systems” (American psych association 1). This may have a very good explanation for this following story: “I was wondering about this because I fell in love with a girl who I know quite well because we were good friends before I fell in love with her so I know a lot about her life but her actions totally confuse me. She's known this guy who she finished with when she was 16 and apparently he was utterly devastated for about 2 years by the break-up but they remained friends, shared common music tastes, went to raves together and stuff even as she moved in with another bloke who she had a child by whilst he also had a relationship of 7 years or so, a relationship which mysteriously dissolved after she became free again, about a year after hers. What puzzles me is that she was quite open to me about how much she "loved" this guy but she said she just could not feel any physical passion for him, he did nothing for her in that way, and this was why she had finished with him way back when. More recently she said "It would be so convenient if I could fancy him because everything else is in place. I already love him, but I just don't feel it". Then a week or two ago when we were talking about him she became irritable when I reminded her of this comment and snapped "Yes, I'll have to try harder!" Then, last weekend, they announced that they were "an item", again. Meanwhile, I'm on the sidelines, I'm absolutely potty about this woman and I've been told categorically by 2 of her friends that she has told them that she IS physically attracted to me. Indeed, I've caught her eyes lingering on me a couple of times, but she's took the decision to go for "companionship" [as I suppose you would call it] rather than physical attraction. It seems to me that she has so thrown my elevated opinion of women into disarray by - I think - betraying both of us. Yeah, I say she's betrayed him, because I would dread being the man in a relationship where the woman is "faking it" and his touch doesn't really work for her, especially after 1 or 2 years of it. And what's she going to do for excitement? Have an affair with me? {I wouldn't be able to say "No", either}. So how does love work? It's a bloody messy business, that's all I know.” (forum 1)
The third and final source is Love physiology changes over time; ‘Romantic love more powerful than sex’ (American Psychology Association), speaks of the different part of the brain that play different roles as the relationship matures. Brown, one of the authors, noted that the neural activity changed in strength and location as the length of the romance is prolonged. These three areas consist of the sex drive, romantic love, and attachment to a long term partner. In the end, it is assumed that romantic love is defiantly is stronger than the sex drive.
The sources all speak of one common thing in relation to answering the age old question of what love really is. Assumingly, love has some definite relation to the mind. However, it is not yet determined what this co-relation is. Some psychologists believe that it is a chemical that is released by a certain part of the brain that mirrors love. Through this chemical we are lead to believe that love is occurring through the signals it triggers, such as shaky hands. Others add to this theory by saying that love is not found in one consistent part of the brain; rather, it is separated into three different parts (romantic, sexual, and long term). Furthermore, it is constantly repeated, by many psychologists, that the romantic and long term relationships tend to always prevail over those that satisfy our sex-drive. This fact has yet to be proved scientifically, however, it is shown through research that neural activity in these parts of the brain shifts as we are doing different activities with those whom we love. Moreover, to further prove the theory of the “love molecule”, it is shown that divorce rates peak around the first three years of marriage. This is assumed to be true because the addiction to the chemical becomes weaker and the person who we are currently with cannot supply enough for us to maintain the feeling of love that was present at the beginning of the relationship. It has also been theorized that a person goes through depression after a hard break up only because their body is going through a withdrawal of the so called love drug, phenylethylamine. I find all of these theories to be valid and they could indeed help us in the future. However, I have a different opinion on how these theories could allow us in creating love potions. Mainly for the moral issue that would subject humans to love that wasn’t truly real to them.
In conclusion, we found love to be a trick of the mind. It is our brain that leads us to have such a strong attraction to our partners. However, all of these findings simply lead us to explanations. It all depends on whether you choose to believe in these or not, is up to you. There is always going to be someone who chooses to believe that love comes from the heart. It is those people who will always cherish and treasure the person that they love.
Works Cited
Kanika Goswami. (2004).
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